This book is a guide for a specific kind of newly evolving man. This man is unabashedly masculine—he is purposeful, confident, and directed, living his chosen way of life with deep integrity and humor—and he is sensitive, spontaneous, and spiritually alive, with a heart-commitment to discovering and living his deepest truth. (Location 143)
ravish her with so much love she is vanished, they (Location 147)
The “mission” or the search for freedom is the priority of the masculine, whereas the search for love is the priority of the feminine. This is why people with masculine essences would rather watch a football game or boxing match on TV than a love story. Sports are all about achieving freedom, such as by breaking free of your opponent’s tackle or barrage of punches, and about succeeding at your mission, by carrying the ball into the end zone or remaining standing after 10 rounds. For the masculine, mission, competition, and putting it all on the line (indeed, facing death), are all forms of ecstasy. Witness the masculine popularity of war stories, dangerous heroism, and sports playoffs. (Location 216)
A Man’s Way (Location 296)
“I’m only doing this now so that one day I can do what I really want with my life.” The masculine error is to think that eventually things will be different in some fundamental way. They won’t. It never ends. As long as life continues, the creative challenge is to tussle, play, and make love with the present moment while giving your unique gift. (Location 300)
However, if you find her behavior or mood is merely distasteful or a hassle, realize that she will always seem this way: The feminine always seems chaotic and complicated from the perspective of the masculine. (Location 316)
A man must love his father and yet be free of his father’s expectations and criticisms in order to be a free man. (Location 344)
Know Your Real Edge and Don’t Fake It (Location 352)
A fearful man who knows he is fearful is far more trustable than a fearful man who isn’t aware of his fear. (Location 378)
Always Hold To Your Deepest Realization (Location 383)
Even if you find yourself in some trivial moment, watching TV or cleaning up a mess in the kitchen, feel the truth of who you are. Feel the boundless cognizance in which each instant seems and vanishes. All moments are the same intensity of clarity, completeness, and humor when you meet each moment with your deepest realization. Nothing that has ever happened has made any difference to the One who you are. (Location 403)
Never Change Your Mind Just to Please a Woman (Location 407)
You are saying, in effect, “My deepest wisdom is leading me to this decision. If I am wrong, I will learn from it, and my wisdom will have deepened. I’m willing to be wrong, and grow from it. I trust this process of acting from my deepest wisdom.” (Location 419)
Be open to changing your feeling based on whatever your woman might reveal to you—through her words or her body language—and then make your own decision, based on your deepest intuitive wisdom and knowledge. (Location 425)
Your Purpose Must Come Before Your Relationship (Location 428)
notice yourself “giving in” to your woman, postponing your mission and denying your true purpose in order to spend time with her, stop. Tell your woman that you love her, but you cannot deny your heart’s purpose. (Location 436)
Your woman will be more fulfilled with 30 minutes a day of undivided attention and ravishing love than she will with a few hours of your weak and divided presence (Location 438)
Lean Just Beyond Your Edge (Location 442)
He should not be too lazy, happily stagnating in the zone of security and comfort. Nor should he push far beyond his edge, stressing himself unnecessarily, unable to metabolize his experience. He should lean just slightly beyond the edge of fear and discomfort. Constantly. In everything he does. (Location 444)
Do It for Love (Location 464)
The next time you embrace your woman sexually, feel your ultimate desire. Your deepest desire in life. Feel why you are doing anything at all in life, and, specifically, why you are uniting with your lover. There may be many lesser reasons, but what is your deepest, ultimate reason? Most men’s ultimate reason for doing anything has to do with discovering their deepest truth, enjoying total freedom and love, and giving their fullest gifts. (Location 466)
Yet, many men settle for enjoying a little bit of freedom and love while incompletely giving their gifts. They enjoy the freedom to buy a nice car, to have loving sex fairly often, and to sleep late on Sunday. They generously donate their spare cash to a good cause, lovingly buy their woman a diamond ring, and happily coach a little league team. These are enjoyable freedoms and real gifts that make a significant difference in people’s lives. But, for many men, it is still not enough. (Location 469)
Neither woman nor world can be second-guessed, or fooled. They know when you are just dicking around. They want to receive you for real. (Location 495)
Enjoy Your Friends’ Criticism (Location 511)
A man’s capacity to receive another man’s direct criticism is a measure of his capacity to receive masculine energy. If he doesn’t have a good relationship to masculine energy (e.g., his father), then he will act like a woman and be hurt or defensive rather than make use of other men’s criticism. (Location 512)
Your close men friends should be willing to challenge your mediocrity by suggesting a concrete action you can perform that will pop you out of your rut, one way or the other. (Location 522)
If You Don’t Know Your Purpose, Discover It, Now (Location 535)
Without a conscious life-purpose a man is totally lost, drifting, adapting to events rather than creating events. (Location 536)
But if you don’t know your deepest desire, then you can’t align your life to it. Everything in your life is dissociated from your core. You go to work, but since it’s not connected to your deepest purpose, it is just a job, a way to earn money. (Location 541)
The superior man is not seeking for fulfillment through work and woman, because he is already full. For him, work and intimacy are opportunities to give his gifts, and be vanished in the bliss of the giving. (Location 549)
Be Willing To Change Everything in Your Life (Location 552)
It’s easy to feel disappointed by life; success is never as fulfilling as you think it is going to be. But there is a reason for this. Successfully completing a lesser purpose doesn’t feel very good for very long, because it is simply preparation for advancing toward a greater embodiment of your deeper purpose. (Location 569)
Each purpose, each mission, is meant to be fully lived to the point where it becomes empty, boring, and useless. Then it should be discarded. This is a sign of growth, but you may mistake it for a sign of failure. (Location 571)
Don’t Use Your Family As an Excuse (Location 615)
Take care of the children and the house as much as you want. Just remember that if you give up your true purpose to do so for too long, you are not really helping anyone. (Location 620)
A short period of time with a father who is absolutely present, full in love, undivided inside, and sure of his mission in life, will affect your children much more positively than if they spend lots of time with a father who is ambiguous in his intent and has lost touch with his deepest purpose, no matter how much he loves his children. (Location 644)
Don’t Get Lost in Tasks and Duties (Location 663)
To help you remember the triviality of your daily tasks, interrupt your schedule with refreshers. These refreshers should cut to your core and strip the fat off the moment. Consider your own death. Behold an image of the most enlightened being you know. (Location 692)
Stop Hoping for Your Woman to Get Easier (Location 697)
man should never think his woman’s testing is going to end and his life will get easier. Rather, he should appreciate that she does these things to feel his strength, integrity, and openness. Her desire is for his deepest truth and love. As he grows, so will her testing. (Location 700)
being this way? Because she simply wants to deflate (Location 718)
If you are aligned with your mission, you are essentially happy, even though times cycle between difficult and easy. You don’t need your woman’s strokes to fulfill your mission. It still feels good when she strokes you, but you don’t need mommy anymore, telling you what a good boy you are. (Location 726)
So she will test you. She might not be fully conscious of why she is doing it, but she will poke your weak spots, especially in moments of your superficial success, in order to feel your strength. If you collapse, you’ve flunked the test. You have let your woman deflate you. You have demonstrated your dependence on her for external validation. (Location 733)
If you remain full and strong, humorous and happy, your truth unperturbed by her testing, then you pass the test. (Location 736)
You don’t need her validation in order for you to be loving. You simply are loving. (Location 740)
And then she will test you again. It never ends. A woman will always test her man for the pleasure of feeling his strength in loving, his capacity to transcend nuisance, his persistence in his own truth, and his capacity to share that truth in love with her, even when she is complaining— (Location 745)
The criticism is entirely dissolved in love as soon as she feels your humor and happiness in the midst of the poke. (Location 749)
Dealing With Women (Location 758)
On the other hand, the masculine means what it says. A man’s word is his honor. The feminine says what it feels. A woman’s word is her true expression in the moment. (Location 763)
This is not lying. For a man, or for anyone speaking in the masculine style, to say something that is not true is lying. But, for the feminine, truth is a thin concept compared to the thickness of her flow of feelings. The “truth” of the feminine is whatever she is really feeling, in this present moment. (Location 779)
The basic rule is this: Don’t believe the literal content of what your woman says unless love is flowing deeply and fully in the moment when she says it. (Location 785)
The masculine grows by challenge, but the feminine grows by praise. (Location 798)
If you know that your woman would be healthier if she exercised more, don’t tell her that. It will feel like an insult to her, a rejection of her the way she is. Instead, tell her how sexy she is when she sweats in her leotards. Tell her how much it turns you on when she moves her body. (Location 811)
Praise works. Information doesn’t. Praise motivates. Challenge doesn’t. Try it. Praise specific things you love about your woman 5 to 10 times a day. Find out what happens. (Location 815)
A superior man sees his woman’s moods not as a curse, but as a challenge and an amusement. (Location 836)
Occasionally, talking with her helps, but not as often as humor and physically expressed love. (Location 840)
Don’t Analyze Your Woman (Location 853)
The amazing thing is this: 90% of a woman’s emotional problems stem from feeling unloved. So don’t stand back and analyze her, like a doctor diagnosing a patient, or like a therapist questioning a client. Give her your love—the same love that is motivating your questioning—immediately and unmistakably. (Location 865)
Ask her if she would rather you gave her love or analyzed her when she is upset. (Location 870)
If you ever find yourself asking your woman questions about her mood while she is still in it, you are already on the wrong road. First, give her love through your eyes, touch, movement, and tone of voice. Then and only then, after the connection of love has been made, find out what remains to be talked about. (Location 879)
Don’t Suggest That a Woman Fix Her Own Emotional Problem (Location 882)
One of the deepest feminine desires in intimacy is precisely not to have to always figure it out for her man and guide him. She wants to be able to trust him in his direction. There are some times when she does want to figure it out for you, but far more often she feels your gift when you offer her a direction in your intimacy without her having to ask you for it or tell you what she wants. Suppose (Location 898)
Don’t Force the Feminine to Make Decisions (Location 972)
Don’t just say, “They’re both nice.” Say something like, “I’d like the red shoes, but what’s the most important to me is that you’re happy.” (Location 988)
As a practice, always help your woman make decisions by giving her your perspective and telling her your choices, while letting her know that you love her regardless of the decision she makes. (Location 1002)
Working With Polarity and Energy (Location 1006)
Your Attraction to the Feminine Is Inevitable (Location 1008)
Sexual attraction, however, is very different from having sex. There is a big difference between choosing to be intimate with a woman and simply being attracted to her energy and radiance. (Location 1039)
Intimacy is a choice between people who want to commit to loving and serving one another. (Location 1040)
Choose a Woman Who Is Your Complementary Opposite (Location 1052)
The secret is not to try to change your woman’s irritating feminine ways, but to help cultivate the depth and rejuvenative power of her feminine blessings. (Location 1086)
You actually feel happier around young women. You feel more energetic, alive, and loving. As women get older, they typically take on more and more masculine tasks and responsibilities in our culture, so their radiance begins to decrease. (Location 1208)
When your life seems dreary and boring, a more spicy and hot woman will probably appeal to you. She will provide you with the fire you are missing. However, when your life is extremely challenging and you feel burnt out, a hot woman might be too much. You may be more attracted to the soothing gaze and touch of a cool woman. (Location 1251)
What Women Really Want (Location 1290)
Choose a Woman Who Chooses You (Location 1291)
What She Wants Is Not What She Says (Location 1310)
Sometimes a woman will make a request of her man in plain English, not to get him to do something, but to see if he is so weak that he will do it. In other words, she is testing his capacity to do what is right, not what she is asking for. In such cases, if the man does what his woman asks, she will be disappointed and angry. The man will have no idea why she is so angry or what could possibly please her. He must remember that her trust is engendered not by him fulfilling her requests, but by him magnifying love, consciousness, and success in their lives, in spite of her requests. (Location 1311)
The thing your woman is complaining about is rarely the thing she is complaining about. It is a mistake to believe the content of what she is saying, and then respond to her complaints, point by point. When she complains about financial issues, she is usually feeling a lack in your masculine capacity to direct your life with clarity, purpose, integrity, and wisdom. The money itself is secondary. If you were poor but totally conscious, happy, full of integrity, fearless, humorous, loving and giving your fullest gift to the world and to your woman, she wouldn’t complain about lack of money. (Location 1372)
She Doesn’t Really Want to Be Number One (Location 1410)
A woman sometimes seems to want to be the most important thing in her man’s life. However, if she is the most important thing, then she feels her man has made her the number one priority and is not fully dedicated or directed to divine growth and service. She will feel her man’s dependence on her for his happiness, and this will make her feel smothered by his neediness and clinging. A woman really wants her man to be totally dedicated to his highest purpose—and also to love her fully. Although she would never admit it, she wants to feel that her man would be willing to sacrifice their relationship for the sake of his highest purpose. (Location 1411)
If you aren’t living from your core, giving your fullest gifts, everyone will feel your lack of true purpose. Your kids will challenge your authority. Your colleagues will take advantage of you. Your friends won’t expect much of you. And your wife won’t trust you. (Location 1437)
A man’s track record means nothing to the feminine. A man could be perfect for ten years, but if he’s an asshole for 30 seconds his woman acts like he’s always been one. The feminine responds to the moment of energy, forgetting her man’s history of past behavior. (Location 1449)
Instead of getting angry because she’s so upset that you made one little mistake in a long series of successes, instantly shift the energy between you. Remember, history is irrelevant to the feminine, so your mistake is as easily forgotten as your successes. As soon as you see she’s upset, immediately assume happiness. Shock her with your love. Make her smile and laugh with your humor. (Location 1465)
How can you tell if your woman’s self-direction is healthy for her? If she becomes more and more full and happy as she pursues her direction, then it is good for her. If she becomes more and more stressful, taut, and emotionally angular, then she is animating excess masculine direction. She is pushing herself in ways that may signal your irresponsibility. (Location 1502)
PART FIVE (Location 1511)
Your Dark Side (Location 1512)
You Are Always Searching for Freedom (Location 1513)
This breakthrough into freedom, however it occurs, is the main motive of the masculine. All masculine goals—at work, on the meditation cushion, or on the football field—are directed toward more freedom. (Location 1524)
War, which is motivated by the desire for freedom, is a quintessential masculine pursuit. Most sports are ritualized war, but actual war itself resonates with the core of most men. Even movies about war—men being at their edge, giving it all they’ve got, up against death itself, motivated by a higher cause—evoke intense emotion in men. The capacity to face death for the sake of freedom, (Location 1529)
Although she may resist it at first, your woman, if she has a feminine sexual essence, wants to feel your fearlessness. She wants to feel your capacity to face her closure, anger, and tension, without trying to minimize her feminine force. She wants to feel your persistence in loving, so that her fury cannot turn you away. She wants to feel your capacity to stand strong in your own desires and ravish her because you love her, unafraid of her dark energy. (Location 1635)
Your body, tone of voice, and the look in your eyes mean a lot more to her than anything you could say. Don’t tell her what to do, but do it with her, with your body. If she is tense and closed down, lift her arms up above her head and kiss her heart. Don’t just tell her to open up. Actually open her up, physically, with the openness of your body. (Location 1672)
PART SIX (Location 1697)
Feminine Attractiveness (Location 1698)
Body Practices (Location 1895)
In a subtle way, excess ejaculations will diminish your courage to take risks, professionally and spiritually. You will settle for doing enough to get by, to be comfortable, but you will find that you would rather watch TV than write your novel, meditate, or make that important phone call. (Location 1910)
When she feels the absolutely trustable nature of your loving—that you are truly with her, committed to loving, and you’re not going to get lost in the self-enclosed spasm of your own pleasurizing—she will begin to trust you with her most vulnerable core. (Location 1946)
The bottom line is this: If ejaculation is not completely a matter of conscious choice for you, your woman knows she controls you sexually. (Location 1964)
regardless of the burdens you face in your life, sexing should be a time of practicing love. Like meditation or prayer, sex should be a special time of practicing opening your heart and giving love fully, (Location 2099)
Excessive, chronic thinking or addiction to ejaculation is often a sign that your energy is blocked and you are not yet breathing fully in this circle throughout the day. (Location 2118)
Men’s and Women’s Yoga of Intimacy (Location 2129)
Intimate relationship is never the priority in a masculine man’s life and always the priority in a feminine woman’s life. (Location 2132)
Our culture has become so anti-feminine that many women are trying to deny their feminine core desires and adopt the masculine way of dedication to mission. By denying their feminine essence, such women are predisposing themselves to emptiness of heart, depression, and bodily symptoms of disease. (Location 2165)
But for men who have lost their sense of purpose, who don’t know what their life is about, or who have trouble aligning their life with their truth, singing and dancing aren’t the remedy. The cure for lack of purpose is to be challenged to live at your edge, since you have lost the capacity to live there by yourself. (Location 2298)
Almost everything you do, you do because you are afraid to die. And yet dying is exactly what you are doing, from the moment you are born. Two hours of absorption in a good Super Bowl telecast may distract you temporarily, but the fact remains. You were born as a sacrifice. And you can either participate in the sacrifice, dissolving in the giving of your gift, or you can resist it, which is your suffering. (Location 2314)
If you have always been afraid of public speaking, you can take on the challenge of speaking in public once a week for three months. If you fail and miss an appointment one week, the following week you must give three talks. If you have always wanted to write a novel, but could never finish one, you tell your friends that you are going to complete one chapter a week (or a month) for the next year. (Location 2323)