“Eye-blocking” is a nonverbal behavior that can occur when we feel threatened and/or don’t like what we see. Squinting (as in the case with my classmates, described above) (Location 163)
Note: Ha lefele nezel az negativ ha nyitott a szemed az ppzitov
Commandment 4: Learn to recognize and decode idiosyncratic nonverbal behaviors. Universal nonverbal behaviors constitute one group of body cues: those that are relatively the same for everyone. There is a second type of body cue called an idiosyncratic nonverbal behavior, which is a signal that is relatively unique to a particular individual. (Location 298)
Commandment 5: When you interact with others, try to establish their baseline behaviors. In order to get a handle on the baseline behaviors of the people with whom you regularly interact, you need to note how they look normally, how they typically sit, where they place their hands, the usual position of their feet, their posture and common facial expressions, the tilt of their heads, and even where they generally place or hold their possessions, such as a purse (see figures 1 and 2). You need to be able to differentiate between their “normal” face and their “stressed” face. (Location 307)
pattern of stress behaviors, followed closely by pacifying (Location 325)
Commandment 7: It’s important to look for changes in a person’s behavior that can signal changes in thoughts, emotions, interest, or intent. Sudden changes in behavior can help reveal how a person is (Location 326)
summary, when it comes to revealing honest nonverbal behaviors that help us read people, the limbic system is the holy grail of body language. Thus, this is the area of the brain where we want to focus our attention. (Location 475)
The “turtle effect” (shoulders rise toward the ears) is often seen when people are humbled or suddenly lose confidence. (Location 549)
Our brains send out the message, “Please pacify me now,” and our hands respond immediately, providing an action that will help make us comfortable again. Sometimes we pacify by rubbing our cheeks or our lips from the inside with our tongues, (Location 680)
Men prefer to touch their faces. Women prefer to touch their necks, clothing, jewelry, arms, and hair. (Location 699)
body—the part that is most likely to reveal a person’s true intentions and, thus, be a prime place to look for nonverbal signals that accurately reflect what he or she is thinking. It may surprise you, but the answer is the feet! That’s right, (Location 830)
the face is the one part of the body that most often is used to bluff and conceal true sentiments. My approach is the exact opposite. Having conducted thousands of interviews for the FBI, I learned to concentrate on the suspect’s feet and legs first, moving upward in my observations until I read the face last. (Location 870)
If, however, one of the individuals turns his feet slightly away or repeatedly moves one foot in an outward direction (in an L formation with one foot toward you and one away from you), you can be assured he wants to take leave (Location 953)
Clasping of the knees and shifting of weight on the feet is an intention cue that the person wants to get up and leave. (Location 971)
I was watching a stranger talk on his cell phone. As he listened, his left foot, which had been resting flat on the ground, changed position. The heel of the foot remained on the ground, but the rest of his shoe moved (Location 979)
that gravity-defying foot behavior can be readily decoded to mean that the man on the phone had just heard something positive. (Location 984)
When the toes point upward as in this photograph, it usually means the person is in a good mood or is thinking or hearing something positive. (Location 988)
If you observe a person’s feet going from being together to being spread apart, you can be fairly confident that the individual is becoming increasingly unhappy. This dominant stance communicates very clearly, “Something is wrong and I am ready to deal with it.” (Location 1017)
There are, of course, times when a leg splay can be used to your advantage—specifically, when you want to establish authority and control over others for a positive reason. (Location 1029)
First, Fig. 22 We normally cross our legs when we feel comfortable. The sudden presence of someone we don’t like will cause us to uncross our legs. (Location 1062)
Personally, when I first meet someone, I typically lean in, give the person a hearty handshake (depending on the appropriate cultural norms in the situation), make good eye contact, and then take a step back and see what happens next. One of three responses is likely to take place: (a) the person will remain in place, which lets me know he or she is comfortable at that distance; (b) the individual will take a step back or turn slightly away, which lets me know he or she needs more space or wants to be elsewhere; or (c) the person will actually take a step closer to me, which means he or she feels comfortable and/or favorable toward me. I take no offense to the individual’s behavior because I am simply using this opportunity to see how he or she really feels about me. (Location 1128)
Immediately upon hearing that question, and even though she didn’t answer (at least not verbally), the woman’s foot went from jiggling to an elevated up-and-down kicking motion. This was a significant clue that this name had a negative effect on her. In further questioning, she later admitted that “Clyde” had involved her in stealing government documents from a base in Germany. (Location 1198)
If a person constantly wiggles or bounces his or her feet or leg(s) and suddenly stops, you need to take notice. This usually signifies that the individual is experiencing stress, an emotional change, or feels threatened in some way. Ask yourself why the person’s limbic system kicked their survival instincts into the “freeze” mode. (Location 1203)
F O U R Torso Tips Nonverbals of the Torso, Hips, Chest, and Shoulders (Location 1243)
In a similar fashion, when an individual is standing next to someone who is being obnoxious or someone he does not like, his torso will lean away from that individual (Location 1257)
The human species has evolved to the point that not only physical proximity to a person we dislike can cause us to lean away, but even images of unpleasant things, such as photographs, can cause a torso lean. (Location 1277)
The opposite of ventral denial is ventral exposure or—as I like to call it— ventral fronting. We display our ventral sides to those we favor. When our children come running to us for a hug, we move objects, even our arms, out of the way so that we can give them access to our ventral sides. (Location 1297)
On campus, I often see women place their notebooks across their chests as they walk into class, particularly for the first few days. As their comfort level increases, they will shift to carrying their notebooks at their sides. (Location 1353)
very comfortable pose for many people. However, when a person suddenly crosses arms and then interlocks them tightly, with a tight hand grip, this is indicative of discomfort. (Location 1378)
A child whose parents fight at the dinner table really can’t finish his meal; his limbic system has trumped alimentation and digestion to prepare them for escape and survival. Along these lines, it is interesting to note how many people vomit after experiencing a traumatic event. In essence, during emergencies the body is saying that there is no time for digestion; the reaction is to lighten the load and prepare for escape or physical conflict (Location 1400)
Similarly, the high school letter jacket, the police badge, and the military decoration are all worn on the torso as a way of calling attention (Location 1426)
Splaying out on a couch or a chair is normally a sign of comfort. However, when there are serious issues to be discussed, splaying out is a territorial or dominance display (Location 1484)
Watch two people who are angry with each other; they will puff out their chests just like silverback gorillas. (Location 1499)
We use shoulder shrugs to indicate lack commitment or insecurity. (Location 1528)
If you see a person’s shoulders only partially rise or if only one shoulder rises, chances are the individual is not limbically committed to what he or she is saying and is probably being evasive or even deceptive (Location 1531)
This turtlelike behavior also shows up in families when the father says, “It really hurt my feelings to find that someone broke my reading lamp without telling me.” As the father looks at each of his children, one will be looking down, shoulders rising toward the ears. You will also see these weak shoulder displays demonstrated by a losing football team as they walk back to the locker-room—their shoulders seeming to swallow up their heads. (Location 1543)
F I V E Knowledge Within Reach Nonverbals of the Arms (Location 1552)
You don’t need a gun to get people to raise their hands above their heads. Make them happy and they’ll do it automatically. (Location 1578)
Let me make a very important point. If you are a parent, teacher, camp counselor, or school resource officer and you see children severely change or restrain their arm behavior around their parents or other adults, at a minimum it should arouse your interest and promote further observation. Cessation of arm movement is part of the limbic system’s freeze response. To the abused child, this adaptive behavior can mean survival. (Location 1621)
Putting the arms behind the back is a clear signal that means, “Don’t get close; I don’t want to make contact with you” (Location 1673)
If you are new to an organization, watch for those individuals who either use their personal material (notebooks, calendars) or their arms to claim a larger piece of real estate than most. Even at the conference table, real estate is equated with power and status; so be observant for this nonverbal behavior and use it to assess an individual’s real or perceived status. Alternatively, the person who sits at the conference table with his elbows against his waist and arms draped between his legs sends a message of weakness and low confidence. (Location 1720)
Interlaced hands behind the head are indicative of comfort and dominance. Usually the senior person at a meeting will pose or “hood” this way. (Location 1770)
Fingertips planted spread apart on a surface are a significant territorial display of confidence and authority. (Location 1789)
Arms spread out over chairs tell the world you are feeling confident and comfortable. (Location 1790)
When approaching a stranger for the first time, try demonstrating warmth by leaving your arms relaxed, preferably with the ventral side exposed and perhaps even with the palms of your hands clearly visible. (Location 1848)
From my perspective, one of the best ways to establish rapport with someone is to touch that person on the arm, somewhere between the elbow and the shoulder. (Location 1869)
Effective Hand Movements Enhance Our Credibility and Persuasiveness (Location 1892)
Hiding Your Hands Creates a Negative Impression: Keep Them Visible (Location 1909)
If you’ve ever talked to someone whose hands are underneath a table, I think you will quickly sense how uncomfortable the conversation feels (Location 1911)
I don’t recommend hand jousting to create dominance, as our intentions should be to leave positive impressions when we meet others, not negative ones. (Location 1938)
If you feel the need to establish dominance, the hands are not the right way to do so. There are other more powerful tactics, including violation of space and eye-gaze behavior, that are more subtle. (Location 1939)
Perhaps one of the most offensive gestures we possess is finger pointing. It has negative connotations around the globe. (Location 1980)
For those of you interested in further readings on hand gestures around the world, I would highly recommend Bodytalk: The Meaning of Human Gestures, by Desmond Morris, and Gestures: The Do’s and Taboos of Body Language Around the World, by Roger E. Axtell. These two wonderful books will open your eyes to the diversity of gestures around the world and the eloquence of the hands in expressing human emotions. (Location 1986)
As for the rest of us, we should not point fingers when dealing with our spouses or children, nor with our colleagues at work. Pointing is just plain offensive. (Location 1995)
Steepling of hands, fingertip to fingertip, is one of the most powerful displays of confidence we possess. (Location 2086)
A person can go from steepling (high confidence) to fingers interlaced (low confidence) and back to steepling (high confidence)—reflecting the ebb and flow of assurance and doubt. (Location 2098)
Steepling is a very useful behavior to adopt; speakers and salespeople should use it often for emphasis, as should anyone trying to convey an important point. Consider the confidence of your hand gestures when you are being interviewed by a prospective employer, presenting material at a meeting, or simply discussing issues with your friends. (Location 2101)
Often seen with high-status individuals, the thumb sticking out of the pocket is a high-confidence display. (Location 2119)
Thumbs up is almost always a nonverbal sign of high confidence. Interestingly, it is also associated with high status. (Location 2121)
Normally, the interlacing of the fingers is a low-confidence gesture, except when the thumbs are extended straight up. (Location 2130)
Feelings of low confidence can be evidenced when a person (usually a male) puts his thumbs in his pocket and lets the fingers hang out on the side (Location 2139)
You will never see a presidential candidate or a leader of a country with his thumbs in his pockets. This behavior is not seen in confident individuals (Location 2160)
When people wring their hands or interlace their fingers, particularly in response to a significant comment, event, or change in their environment, it is normally indicative of stress or low confidence (Location 2186)
Neck touching is one of those behaviors that is so reliable and accurate that it truly merits our close attention. (Location 2232)
In his remarkable book Telling Lies, Dr. Paul Ekman describes his research using high-speed cameras to reveal microgestures that subconsciously communicate an individual’s disfavor or true emotions (Location 2249)
Genuine and unrestrained feelings of happiness are reflected in the face and neck. Positive emotions are revealed by the loosening of the furrowed lines on the forehead, relaxation of muscles around the mouth, emergence of full lips (they are not compressed or tight lipped), and widening of the eye area as surrounding muscles relax. (Location 2347)
Try to tilt your head in an elevator full of strangers and leave it that way for the complete duration of the ride. For most people this is extremely difficult to accomplish, because head tilt is a behavior reserved for times when we are truly comfortable—and (Location 2364)
Head tilt says in a powerful way, “I am comfortable, I am receptive, I am friendly.” (Location 2371)
We squint to block out light or objection- able things. We squint when we are angry or even when we hear voices, sounds, or music we don’t like. (Location 2410)
In your social and business interactions, you can watch for these eyebrow movements to probe for weakness or strength in others. (Location 2430)
Any decrease in the size of the eyes, whether through squinting or pupilary constriction, is a form of subconscious blocking behavior. And all blocking behaviors are indicative of concern, dislike, disagreement, or the perception of a potential threat. (Location 2434)
Even more amazing is the fact that children who are born blind will cover their eyes when they hear bad news (Location 2450)
When talking to friends, we routinely look in the distance as we converse. We do this because we feel comfortable enough to do so; the limbic brain detects no threats from this person. (Location 2512)
The fact is eye-blink frequency will likely increase in anyone under stress whether he is lying or not. (Location 2543)
We look askance at people when we are distrustful or unconvinced, as in this photo. (Location 2550)
U N D E R S TA N D I N G N O N V E R B A L B E H AV I O R S O F T H E M O U T H (Location 2554)
Fig. 74 When the lips disappear, there is usually stress or anxiety driving this behavior. (Location 2586)
Fig. 82 Tongue jutting is seen when people get caught doing something they shouldn’t, they screw up, or they are getting away with something. It is very brief. (Location 2668)
Fig. 84 A furrowed forehead is an easy way to assess for discomfort or anxiety. When we are happy and content, you hardly see this behavior. (Location 2678)
Nasal wing dilation is something you should always be watching for if you are around someone who might have reason either to attack or run away from you. It is just one of many suspicious behaviors we should teach our children to watch for. (Location 2696)
and if it had lasted longer, it would have looked like a snarl. (Location 2741)
For instance, if someone says, “So happy to see you,” with jaws tightened, the statement is false. (Location 2780)
G H T Detecting Deception Proceed with Caution! (Location 2793)
most people—both laypersons and professionals—are not very good at detecting lies. (Location 2807)
We are fortunate that, for the most part, people are honest and that most of the lies we hear daily are actually social or “white” lies, meant to protect us from the true answer to questions such as “Do I look fat in this outfit?” (Location 2822)
there is no single behavior that is indicative of deception—not one (Location 2838)
Simply put, I suggested that when we are telling the truth and have no worries, we tend to be more comfortable than when we are lying or concerned about getting caught because we harbor “guilty knowledge.” (Location 2854)
By mirroring another person’s behavior, we are subconsciously saying, “I am comfortable with you.” (Location 2894)
In fact, watch for liars to use obstacles or objects (such as a pillow, a drinking glass, or a chair) to form a barrier between you and them (Location 2919)
If possible and appropriate, you may consider sitting close to a loved one when questioning him or her about something serious, or even holding your child’s hand while you discuss a difficult matter. In this way you may more readily note changes in touch throughout the conversation. (Location 2947)
Keep in mind that predators and habitual liars actually engage in greater eye contact than most individuals, and will lock eyes with you. (Location 2965)
Although pacifiers alone are not definitive proof of deception (since they can manifest in innocent people who are nervous), they do provide another piece of the puzzle in determining what a person is truly thinking and feeling. The (Location 2992)
The following is a list of twelve things I do—and the points I keep in mind—when I want to read pacifying nonverbals in interpersonal interactions. You might consider using a similar strategy (Location 2994)
Note: 12strategy
Don’t be so hasty to assume deception when you see someone touching his or her nose. For everyone who does it while lying, you will find a hundred who do it out of habit to relieve stress. (Location 3059)
Synchrony (Location 3066)
Look for synchrony between what is being said verbally and nonverbally, between the circumstances of the moment and what the subject is saying, between events and emotions, and even synchrony of time and space. (Location 3068)
Fig. 88 Sitting for long periods in a chair, as though flash frozen in an ejector seat, is evidence of high stress and discomfort. (Location 3129)
The palm-up position is not very affirmative and suggests that the person is asking to be believed. (Location 3145)
There are no nonverbal behaviors that, in and of themselves, are clearly indicative of deception (Location 3166)